The things we do for one another (for
darkerstripes) (tw: sexual abuse, noncon)
It was important to do good where you could. Molly had always maintained that belief, done his best to live by it.
Somehow, it had led him to the support forum. That part, at least, had been Caleb's idea. Therapy was agreeing with his boyfriend and, in turn, he had broached the subject that maybe Molly could stand to actually try and confront his own mental health outside their admittedly-borderline-incestuous group of friends. That maybe Molly could try learning how to be vulnerable, especially when his job already involved massive amounts of emotional labor for the sake of others.
The idea hadn't sat well with him in the slightest which...if Molly was perfectly honest, was what finally drove the point home for him that it was needed. Damn Caleb for being too smart for both their own good, sometimes.
But it hadn't been so bad, especially since he could spend as much if not more time helping others and being a metaphorical shoulder to lean on as he did discussing his own baggage. And he'd even made some friends in doing so - among them, a gentleman who had identified himself via private message as Toshi. Toshi was a similarly friendly and helpful sort to the forum's residents, so of course Molly had guessed he was repressing something nasty long before details had ever been hesitantly brought up.
And when they had, when Toshi had finally started to open up and ask for advice dealing with his apparent situation, Molly had sat and stared at the post. Then he'd got up, paced around, and sat and stared at it a little more. Finally he had ventured what was, for him, a hesitant reply.
I've known a few people with situations similar to yours' who wanted to get to a positive place about sex again. Here's some things they said helped them.
And then, in a direct message, he'd gone a little further. I know this might be a sensitive topic of conversation even for this place. But if you'd like to speak in more detail, didn't you say you lived in Sternbild? I'm in town, as well. Maybe we could meet up for coffee sometime? He'd honestly been a little surprised when Toshi agreed, but even more pleased, and they'd agreed on a place on the Silver level a reasonable distance from both their apartments. They had even exchanged numbers in anticipation.
When Toshi asked for a description, all Molly sent in reply was you'll know me when you see me ; ) . Everyone did, after all.
And indeed, when Toshi arrived at the designated place on the day of the meeting, he would find a man with lavender skin, horns, a tail, and a truly ostentatious number of piercings and tattoos waiting at a table by the window. As if that wasn't noticeable enough, he was wearing a garishly embroidered red long coat over his clothes. It was rare for a NEXT's powers to manifest with such visibly, totally inhuman features, but neither was it unheard of.
He was also texting on his phone, reassuring Caleb yet again that everything was all right.
Somehow, it had led him to the support forum. That part, at least, had been Caleb's idea. Therapy was agreeing with his boyfriend and, in turn, he had broached the subject that maybe Molly could stand to actually try and confront his own mental health outside their admittedly-borderline-incestuous group of friends. That maybe Molly could try learning how to be vulnerable, especially when his job already involved massive amounts of emotional labor for the sake of others.
The idea hadn't sat well with him in the slightest which...if Molly was perfectly honest, was what finally drove the point home for him that it was needed. Damn Caleb for being too smart for both their own good, sometimes.
But it hadn't been so bad, especially since he could spend as much if not more time helping others and being a metaphorical shoulder to lean on as he did discussing his own baggage. And he'd even made some friends in doing so - among them, a gentleman who had identified himself via private message as Toshi. Toshi was a similarly friendly and helpful sort to the forum's residents, so of course Molly had guessed he was repressing something nasty long before details had ever been hesitantly brought up.
And when they had, when Toshi had finally started to open up and ask for advice dealing with his apparent situation, Molly had sat and stared at the post. Then he'd got up, paced around, and sat and stared at it a little more. Finally he had ventured what was, for him, a hesitant reply.
I've known a few people with situations similar to yours' who wanted to get to a positive place about sex again. Here's some things they said helped them.
And then, in a direct message, he'd gone a little further. I know this might be a sensitive topic of conversation even for this place. But if you'd like to speak in more detail, didn't you say you lived in Sternbild? I'm in town, as well. Maybe we could meet up for coffee sometime? He'd honestly been a little surprised when Toshi agreed, but even more pleased, and they'd agreed on a place on the Silver level a reasonable distance from both their apartments. They had even exchanged numbers in anticipation.
When Toshi asked for a description, all Molly sent in reply was you'll know me when you see me ; ) . Everyone did, after all.
And indeed, when Toshi arrived at the designated place on the day of the meeting, he would find a man with lavender skin, horns, a tail, and a truly ostentatious number of piercings and tattoos waiting at a table by the window. As if that wasn't noticeable enough, he was wearing a garishly embroidered red long coat over his clothes. It was rare for a NEXT's powers to manifest with such visibly, totally inhuman features, but neither was it unheard of.
He was also texting on his phone, reassuring Caleb yet again that everything was all right.
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Date: 2018-12-29 10:40 pm (UTC)Traditional therapy isn't as much of an option for him. He can't start totally fresh with anyone... all of Sternbild knows who he is, and he wants some level of anonymity to start with. Even more complicated is the fact that he isn't human. He doesn't have a brain or nerutransmitters or any of the usual physical system, and who knows how that affects his psychology!
So support groups was really the obvious way to go.
Toshi was scared at first, of course, but he had complete control over what anyone knew about him, and could think hard about his messages before he posted them. It helped assuage some of the anxiety he associates with social interaction in general.
Some people are easier to talk to than others, even online, though. Molly was one of those people. Something about his presence, even in text only, inspired trust, in a similar way that Kotetsu does. Toshi just knows he's Good, or is trying his best to be.
Which is why, even to Toshi's surprise, he isn't frightened by the private message. For someone else, it may have been overstepping. It was still intimidating, thinking of actually taking real steps to overcome his trauma, and it was closer than ever. Toshi hates to think there are others out there who have suffered from the same breach of trust he's suffered, but that shouldnt get in the way of him using their experience and wisdom to help himself.
Not to mention the ten thousand other reasons Toshi is nervous to meet his online friend. He is a little miffed about Molly's cheeky "you'll know me when you see me" bit, hoping at least for a hint or an "ill be wearing a bright orange shirt" or something. It seems like such a silly assertion to make... until Toshi actually walks into the cafe and his eyes land on the most unique looking being he's ever seen.
Yeah, ok, he'll give Molly that one. Even down to his coat, Molly is one of a kind. Toshi feels his nerves rising, fingertips tingling and something vibrating a little harder in his lower abdomen.
He throws an I found him. Still ok. text to his worried hero friends and walks up to the table, trying not to fidget overmuch. He swallows and forms a small, uneven smile. "Are you Molly?"
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Date: 2018-12-29 10:59 pm (UTC)So instead, Molly offers him a lopsided smile that maybe unintentionally shows off just a hint of overlong canines. "What was your first clue?" He gets to his feet and actually gives a shallow bow - after all, it can be hard to know when you first meet someone just what they're up for. Handshakes left hanging are one of the most unforgivably awkward things, and so maybe a bow will be just that bit ridiculous enough to set Toshi at ease instead.
"I take it you're Toshi, then? Or at least, I hope you are. I only stole the one other chair."
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Date: 2018-12-30 06:10 am (UTC)That smile is... very charming. Toshi feels something sort of loose in his chest and he gets just that much more nervous. Toshi starts to open his mouth to actually answer that question, unsure of how exactly to respond beyond just indicating all of Molly. Thankfully there is reprieve as Molly chooses to bow for a greeting. Toshi smiles, feels a little bit of tension in his back fall free. He bows back, a very polite and proper Japanese bow of greeting.
"I hope I am too, or I'm even more confused than I thought." He manages to joke back.
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Date: 2018-12-30 06:17 am (UTC)And then Toshi actually bows back! How desperately charming.
"Well, even if you're not, you seem nice enough." Molly sits back down and nudges the only other chair out for Toshi in silent invitation. He rests his chin in one hand to smile up at him as, behind him, his tail sways lazily back and forth, painting a metronome in the air. "You certainly seem like someone I wouldn't mind having a drink with and getting to know."
Feeling merciful again, Molly adds: "I know you're Toshi. It's nice to finally put a face to a name. Thanks for coming out this way. I hope the drive wasn't too terrible."
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Date: 2018-12-30 06:26 am (UTC)Just, you know, purple, and horned, and absolutely garish.
Delightfully so, honestly. The comfort and confidence with which Molly carries his everything is inspirational, and it leaves Toshi a little starstruck.
He sits, glad for the support. "It's not as exciting a face as yours, but it works for me." Most of the time, if he isn't having sameface identity issues re: Kotetsu, but that's another story.
It's hard not to get distracted by that swishing tail. Toshi's eyes follow it for a moment or two. "Thank you for suggesting we meet. I'm... glad to have another friend with a face." He waves away the worry with a smile and a gentle hand. "I detest driving. I took a cab, so I was quite comfortable, thank you."
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Date: 2018-12-30 06:38 am (UTC)he's going to drink before he starts in with the casual flirting. But casual flirting is inevitably going to slip out at some point - it's almost as natural as breathing, for Molly, at least when he's out and about. "Honestly, so do I. But we just have the one car between us, at home, and Caleb usually needs it for work." He leans forward a little and adds, in a mock-conspiratorial whisper with a darted glance around. "Between you, me, and the barista, though, it's an awful clunker, I hate him driving in it."
The name would probably be familiar to Toshi, at least - Molly frequently made mention of his husband as an example of the good you could do for yourself by staying open to help from loved ones, and how easily your life could change for the better in just a couple of years.
He sits back in his seat and glanceds over at the bar. "Anyway, I don't want to talk your ear off before you've even had the chance to grab a drink. Go on. We've missed the worst of the lunch rush so you shouldn't be waiting long."
Molly's own drink is sitting in front of him, something decadent with whipped cream and chocolate shavings that's hiding a serious shot of espresso underneath. He'll probably go back for a second later.
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Date: 2018-12-30 06:50 am (UTC)Molly's little "secret" about the car makes Toshi smile, covering it with a hand for politeness' sake. "Maybe neither of you should be driving it, then. Glad it made it all the way here." He resists the urge to suggest he have a look at repairing it, thinking that's overstepping boundaries, and knowing he's better with more... intricate machinery. Still, he might be able to make a clunker a little safer.
"Ah, right." The whole beverage part of getting a drink. Toshi stands and heads to the counter, smiling kindly at the barista, and dropping a tip into the jar as he carries an ice water back to the table.
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Date: 2018-12-30 07:01 am (UTC)Even if he sometimes has his doubts that such a thing could ever happen but that's not a thought he's going to keep having right now, thank you very much.
The offer to repair or otherwise see to the car would be appreciated but gently declined. Molly knows that Caleb is protective of his car, as he is protective of so many of his possessions. What seems shabby and worn to others is comforting and familiar to him. And besides, Caleb is smart. Molly trusts him to know when the car is really getting too dangerous to drive. If he doesn't, Nott will.
Molly is so distracted in dwelling on how brilliant his husband is, staring dreamily out the window as he does so, that he loses track of Toshi until his friend is sitting down with a cup of...ice water? Molly frowns in mild concern at the sight. It's barely afternoon, who's worried about their caffeine consumption this early in the day?
"Was there anything else you wanted? Honestly, it's my treat. I'm the one who suggested this, after all."
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Date: 2019-01-02 06:29 am (UTC)Then again, it's harder when that kind of emotional person turns into a worrier on your behalf. Toshi can feel the fussing beginning as he returns with just a water, and it occurs to him that he failed to prepare Molly in any way for this, or prime him for the information.
He kind of assumes everyone in Sternbild already knows. He probably shouldn't: that's absolutely a fallacy, but nevertheless it was what he did.
He blushes, just a little. "Th-that's very kind of you, and I appreciate it, really." How does he even do this? He hadn't had The Talk in so long. "I ah- I don't actually eat..."
He then realizes how bad that sounds, just moments after he says it, and tries to backpedal. "I-I mean I don't need to eat! I..." he trails off into a quiet curse and rubs at his face. "I'm not human." There we go.
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Date: 2019-01-02 01:42 pm (UTC)So at Toshi's confession, Molly finds himself just...staring for a long minute, eyes wide, mouth hanging slightly open. Then he remembers himself, closes it, and swallows. Toshi is so very obviously not kidding with him.
"Oh, ah..." He has to shift gears for a minute, which is an uncommon experience for Molly, especially in light of some of the other things he knows about Toshi's life. But finally, carefully, he nods. "All right, then. I guess that answers that."
Considering the general state of himself, even if he is technically still a human - just a severely mutated one - he's not bout to judge Toshi for being a whatever he actually is, or press for further details if they're not forthcoming. He just grins again. "You're not missing much."
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Date: 2019-01-02 07:19 pm (UTC)So bless you for your ignorance, Mollymauk. Toshi actually starts to smile, feeling a little more confident because of his new friends' shock. He's actually quite willing to be forthcoming, and smiles wryly.
"If you insist. I suppose I have some advantages..." He does lift up his forearm, carefully searching around his wrist for the contact point and... lifting his skin away to reveal a small panel, showing wires and electrical parts. There's no doubt about the lack of biology going on here.
"I am a very advanced android containing an independent and evolving AI."
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Date: 2019-01-03 02:37 am (UTC)Of course, even the thought of potentially fucking this up is driven out of his head when Toshi opens up his arm. Molly gasps and tries to stifle it in the same instant, clapping his hands over his mouth and watching with rapt attention as...wires and circuits are revealed beneath. He looks from the machinery to Toshi's very human face and back again, clearly trying to reconcile the two sights in his mind.
When he does, he lowers his hands to reveal a slowly spreading grin of delight. "Oh that is just amazing. You are just amazing." And, because he is Molly, he leans across the table a little to ask: "So what are you learning about me, hm?" His tail almost seems to paint a question mark over his head.
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Date: 2019-01-03 05:04 am (UTC)Looks like they were both nursing nightmares about how much this could go wrong. But with Molly so enthusiastic and earnest, Toshi can't help but feel a little optimistic. If also a little embarrassed. He's not used to... awe. Someone being genuinely impressed by him with no hint of anything else there to taint the positive emotions. It makes color form in Toshi's face and his chest heats up.
Toshi feels something like shyness as he folds the skin back into place, looking down at his arm as he sees Molly grin through his periphery. He's busy trying to find a response to being called amazing when Molly leans in and surprises Toshi again.
He stammers wordlessly for a second. "U-uh, um, w-well. I can..." swallows. "I can hear your heartbeat from here, a little elevated with uh... excitement. I know your internal temperature. Perfectly normal and healthy. And... your bio-electrical levels."
He fidgets, staring down at the table. "I try not to, though, so I don't invade someone's privacy."
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Date: 2019-01-04 04:57 am (UTC)He offers Toshi a lopsided smile, adding: "And of course it's no secret that I'm excited. I finally get to meet you!" He had already hoping they could be friends. Now he was starting to think that it might be more than a hope.
Though, there was always that moment of hesitation before he told possible new friends what he did for a living. And normally Molly could put that off for a while, but it was sort of the point of why he'd wanted to meet Toshi in the first place.
Still, he could put it off for a little longer. "So, what do you do with yourself? Besides being a robot?" And he would try to tease out the small talk for a little longer while he finished his own drink, at least, offering scattered information about himself and Caleb in trade when asked.
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Date: 2019-01-04 05:19 am (UTC)He giggles all over again, feeling twice as warm but just as pleased. Someone really is this excited... to see him? Not just someone, but this guy right here, who thinks Toshi is cool and makes him laugh. A little voice in Toshi's hard-drive reminds him that of course Molly is happy to see him, Molly suggested the meet-up, but Toshi chooses to ride the high of joy anyway.
"Well I uh... I worked on Hero TV for awhile," which is the other reason why he's sure everyone knows who he is. "But now I do freelance computer building and software development." He can hide in a dark room with electronics for days at a time, it's great.
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Date: 2019-01-08 12:50 am (UTC)"Hero TV's pretty big around here, isn't it?" He grins. "I guess I can understand the appeal." Of dressing up in amazing costumes, of doing good, of the mystery that came with a secret identity. Even if the sponsorship logos tended to add a...rather tacky flair to the whole thing. But he can certainly also understand the nature of unpleasant necessities. "I knew you looked like a smart guy." He reaches out to clap Toshi encouragingly on the shoulder. "Oh, you shouldn't have told me that. We're going to have you over all the time fixing our computers, we're both hopeless at it."
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Date: 2019-01-20 05:10 am (UTC)"It's very popular." Toshi admits, thinking of Barnaby, and how he would get swarmed with fans sometimes. It makes his smile widen just a little. He shakes off the memory to stay with Molly, but it leaves more good feelings in its wake.
He blushes, just a little. "I wouldn't mind that."
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Date: 2019-01-20 05:47 am (UTC)He stretches languidly, trying to make it look casual in a way he doesn't quite feel but is used to projecting. "You mentioned that you wanted to get to a place where sex could be something comfortable and safe for you again. And I just so happen to have..." He frowns for a moment as he tries to think of a delicate way to phrase his situation. "...done that sort of work for people with needs like yours'." And then, deciding that misunderstanding is to be avoided at any cost right now, Molly tosses delicacy out the window. "Which is to say, very bluntly, that my job is having sex with people. Sex and other things sex-adjacent. However they want it. However they want me. So I have to know how to be very mindful of people with a wide variety of tastes in a wide variety of situations, including situations like yours'."
Apparently unconsciously, needing something to fidget with, Molly reached out to trace a finger around and around the rim of his empty mug. Idly, he wonders how sex even works with a robot. "I'm not saying we do anything tonight or even anything in the near future. Or ever. Of course not. But I am saying that I think I could help you work back up to that point if you wanted it. I've done it before. And even when I haven't, some of my most reliable clients are the ones who just want someone to hold them for a while. There's no shame in it."
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Date: 2019-01-20 06:00 am (UTC)"Oh." Comes out before Toshi can filter it, and for several moments he stares at Molly, processing. Very astute.
Slowly the thoughts start really forming again. Unfortunately they start with the thought that Molly is actually and sincerely suggesting sex therapy with him, which includes sex, and that means Toshi's poor thirsty brain gets stuck on that. He blushes harder and tries to move on, swallowing a little water as a buffer for himself.
A horrible, calculated and cynical part of Toshi's harddrive that sounds a lot like Adam when it speaks, suggests that maybe all along this was just Molly's phishing attempt for a new client to make money, but Toshi curbstomps it. Traumatized clients aren't exactly reliable sources of income, and Toshi wants to believe the best of Molly. He likes him, felt safe with him.
He chooses to believe this is an honest attempt at helping, and at a human connection. However, that conclusion doesn't give him words to say and leaves him staring and blushing just a little longer. Toshi fidgets and looks down at the table.
"So when... when you told me you had known people to recover from... bad associations with sex..." His voice gets even quieter, saying the word out loud in a public cafe, "you meant you had actually... helped them do that?" It's a statement and a question at the same time.
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Date: 2019-01-20 02:29 pm (UTC)He waits patiently while Toshi processes what he's just heard. Molly has never met anyone who didn't at least need a minute. One of the exceptions is his on-and-off camming co-star, and the other is his husband.
"That is what I meant, yes." He keeps his voice low, matched with Toshi - though he doesn't feel any shame, it's clear Toshi does, and Molly wants to respect that. "I either walked them through the process myself or I helped them find someone else who could. I'm not your only option for getting better, Toshi, not by a mile, but I thought I'd put myself out there all the same."
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Date: 2019-01-21 12:13 am (UTC)He feels a little bit of guilt that Molly drops his volume to match Toshi's, like he's imposing his unnecessary shame onto someone who's past that. "That's..." He feels something shivery and light rise in his body- hope? It might be hope, and maybe a bit of something else. "That's r-really incredible, Molly."
He fidgets in his seat, glancing up at Molly, back down to his hands, messing with the hem of his shirt. He feels his face growing pink and his chest getting very warm. "I... I th-think I would l-like... you."
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Date: 2019-01-21 12:43 am (UTC)When Toshi finally starts to speak again, Molly glances back at him with a raised eyebrow - and then, seeing that Toshi really is building up to a decision, he turns properly back in his seat to face him, once again resting his chin in his hand, smiling in gentle encouragement.
And, when Toshi ultimately agrees to the plan, he looks genuinely pleased, his face lighting up before softening into something a little more mild but no less fond. He reaches out, hesitates only a moment, and then rubs a hand along Toshi's shoulder. "I like you, too. And I know it's a big step for you to trust me like this. I mean to be worthy of it."
He pulls away for the sake of fishing around in his purse for a scrap of paper and a pen, which he jots down a few lines on. "So. This is the address for my studio." It's one floor up and three doors down from his actual apartment. "When you get home, why don't you message me and let me know what times are good for you, and then we'll work out when you can drop by?"
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Date: 2019-01-21 01:09 am (UTC)Toshi glances back up just in time to see Molly's face light up, and Toshi feels his chassis wobble in response. Then Molly reaches for him and Toshi could feel his soul leaving his body. He realizes he's grinning like an idiot. "I'm sure you will be." He mumbles back, still blushing.
Toshi is still a bit floaty and dizzy when Molly moves away to fish around in his bag. Toshi realizes he has it quite bad, in that moment, his poor gay robot heart. He's very embarrassed by that, as silly as that is in context. He blinks a few times to force his eye cameras to focus on the reality in front of him.
"R-Right. Yeah." This is actually going to happen. Toshi is going to do this. Molly is going to do this with him. Wow. Toshi carefully folds the paper and tucks it into the breast pocket of his vest.
"Arigatou." He says, then realizes that in his nervousness, he accessed the wrong language. "Th-thank you." He corrects himself.
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Date: 2019-01-21 01:38 am (UTC)From there, he would ease the conversation back onto more normal ground until his phone buzzed with a message from Caleb, reminding him about dinner. Molly sent a quick reply in return, before he replaced his phone in his pocket and darted a smile up at Toshi. "Caleb wants me home. Gotta go."
He brought his twice-emptied cup back to the counter and would say his fond farewells to Toshi from there.
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Date: 2019-01-21 01:53 am (UTC)He's grateful for more normal conversation, and is happily pretty comfortable now. After dealing with what for him was much more awkward, this small talk is a walk in the park, and he's content to share little things about his life with Molly. His new friend... and therapist.
He nods, understanding. They've been here for a long time, and who can begrudge the summons of a spouse? Toshi returns his cup as well, with a warm thanks to the barista. He seems a little awkward about how to say goodbye, shuffling his feet a little. Eventually the reason he seems hesitant becomes clear, because he decides to be brave, and dives in to hug Molly, tight but brief, before he takes his leave.
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