The things we do for one another (for [personal profile] darkerstripes) (tw: sexual abuse, noncon)

NSFW Dec. 28th, 2018 09:16 pm
viciousmaukeries: Molly, sitting happily as flowers are braided into his hair (Fun with flowers)
[personal profile] viciousmaukeries posting in [community profile] the_magic_shop
 It was important to do good where you could. Molly had always maintained that belief, done his best to live by it. 

Somehow, it had led him to the support forum. That part, at least, had been Caleb's idea. Therapy was agreeing with his boyfriend and, in turn, he had broached the subject that maybe Molly could stand to actually try and confront his own mental health outside their admittedly-borderline-incestuous group of friends. That maybe Molly could try learning how to be vulnerable, especially when his job already involved massive amounts of emotional labor for the sake of others. 

The idea hadn't sat well with him in the slightest which...if Molly was perfectly honest, was what finally drove the point home for him that it was needed. Damn Caleb for being too smart for both their own good, sometimes. 

But it hadn't been so bad, especially since he could spend as much if not more time helping others and being a metaphorical shoulder to lean on as he did discussing his own baggage. And he'd even made some friends in doing so - among them, a gentleman who had identified himself via private message as Toshi. Toshi was a similarly friendly and helpful sort to the forum's residents, so of course Molly had guessed he was repressing something nasty long before details had ever been hesitantly brought up. 

And when they had, when Toshi had finally started to open up and ask for advice dealing with his apparent situation, Molly had sat and stared at the post. Then he'd got up, paced around, and sat and stared at it a little more. Finally he had ventured what was, for him, a hesitant reply.

I've known a few people with situations similar to yours' who wanted to get to a positive place about sex again. Here's some things they said helped them. 

And then, in a direct message, he'd gone a little further. I know this might be a sensitive topic of conversation even for this place. But if you'd like to speak in more detail, didn't you say you lived in Sternbild? I'm in town, as well. Maybe we could meet up for coffee sometime? He'd honestly been a little surprised when Toshi agreed, but even more pleased, and they'd agreed on a place on the Silver level a reasonable distance from both their apartments. They had even exchanged numbers in anticipation.

When Toshi asked for a description, all Molly sent in reply was you'll know me when you see me ; ) . Everyone did, after all. 

And indeed, when Toshi arrived at the designated place on the day of the meeting, he would find a man with lavender skin, horns, a tail, and a truly ostentatious number of piercings and tattoos waiting at a table by the window. As if that wasn't noticeable enough, he was wearing a garishly embroidered red long coat over his clothes. It was rare for a NEXT's powers to manifest with such visibly, totally inhuman features, but neither was it unheard of. 

He was also texting on his phone, reassuring Caleb yet again that everything was all right. 

Date: 2018-12-29 10:40 pm (UTC)
darkerstripes: (fluster)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
It was easy enough to approach the online forum from the angle of being part of a community. Toshi could help others to remember how important they are and that they deserve to take care of themselves. He was encouraged by Kotetsu and Barnaby, mostly Kotetsu, and that encouragement was really all he needed.

Traditional therapy isn't as much of an option for him. He can't start totally fresh with anyone... all of Sternbild knows who he is, and he wants some level of anonymity to start with. Even more complicated is the fact that he isn't human. He doesn't have a brain or nerutransmitters or any of the usual physical system, and who knows how that affects his psychology!

So support groups was really the obvious way to go.

Toshi was scared at first, of course, but he had complete control over what anyone knew about him, and could think hard about his messages before he posted them. It helped assuage some of the anxiety he associates with social interaction in general.

Some people are easier to talk to than others, even online, though. Molly was one of those people. Something about his presence, even in text only, inspired trust, in a similar way that Kotetsu does. Toshi just knows he's Good, or is trying his best to be.

Which is why, even to Toshi's surprise, he isn't frightened by the private message. For someone else, it may have been overstepping. It was still intimidating, thinking of actually taking real steps to overcome his trauma, and it was closer than ever. Toshi hates to think there are others out there who have suffered from the same breach of trust he's suffered, but that shouldnt get in the way of him using their experience and wisdom to help himself.

Not to mention the ten thousand other reasons Toshi is nervous to meet his online friend. He is a little miffed about Molly's cheeky "you'll know me when you see me" bit, hoping at least for a hint or an "ill be wearing a bright orange shirt" or something. It seems like such a silly assertion to make... until Toshi actually walks into the cafe and his eyes land on the most unique looking being he's ever seen.

Yeah, ok, he'll give Molly that one. Even down to his coat, Molly is one of a kind. Toshi feels his nerves rising, fingertips tingling and something vibrating a little harder in his lower abdomen.

He throws an I found him. Still ok. text to his worried hero friends and walks up to the table, trying not to fidget overmuch. He swallows and forms a small, uneven smile. "Are you Molly?"

Date: 2018-12-30 06:10 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (heroics)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Toshi is a bit of a nervous wreck about a lot of things. Sorry in advance for that. It's good Molly takes note of that and chooses to take pity. Gentleness is something Toshi loves in others, and desperately needs.

That smile is... very charming. Toshi feels something sort of loose in his chest and he gets just that much more nervous. Toshi starts to open his mouth to actually answer that question, unsure of how exactly to respond beyond just indicating all of Molly. Thankfully there is reprieve as Molly chooses to bow for a greeting. Toshi smiles, feels a little bit of tension in his back fall free. He bows back, a very polite and proper Japanese bow of greeting.

"I hope I am too, or I'm even more confused than I thought." He manages to joke back.

Date: 2018-12-30 06:26 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (sensation)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
No, incorrect, Molly is absolutely the charming one here. His chuckle at Toshi's shy attempt at answering just makes him blush a little. Molly is nothing like Toshi expected... and everything like he expected. Just as thoughtful and generous, just as playful.

Just, you know, purple, and horned, and absolutely garish.

Delightfully so, honestly. The comfort and confidence with which Molly carries his everything is inspirational, and it leaves Toshi a little starstruck.

He sits, glad for the support. "It's not as exciting a face as yours, but it works for me." Most of the time, if he isn't having sameface identity issues re: Kotetsu, but that's another story.

It's hard not to get distracted by that swishing tail. Toshi's eyes follow it for a moment or two. "Thank you for suggesting we meet. I'm... glad to have another friend with a face." He waves away the worry with a smile and a gentle hand. "I detest driving. I took a cab, so I was quite comfortable, thank you."

Date: 2018-12-30 06:50 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (emotion)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
It's a good thing Molly kept that one to himself. Toshi would be several shakes of pink and all kinds of stammering to be flirted with so quickly and smoothly. He can barely handle non-flirting compliments... and is unskilled at telling the difference.

Molly's little "secret" about the car makes Toshi smile, covering it with a hand for politeness' sake. "Maybe neither of you should be driving it, then. Glad it made it all the way here." He resists the urge to suggest he have a look at repairing it, thinking that's overstepping boundaries, and knowing he's better with more... intricate machinery. Still, he might be able to make a clunker a little safer.

"Ah, right." The whole beverage part of getting a drink. Toshi stands and heads to the counter, smiling kindly at the barista, and dropping a tip into the jar as he carries an ice water back to the table.

Date: 2019-01-02 06:29 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (fluster)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Molly's dramatic protestations get another smile out of Toshi. He loves that kind of playfulness in others, probably born of his friendship with Kotetsu. He finds it familiar and comfortable, having someone else be theatrical.

Then again, it's harder when that kind of emotional person turns into a worrier on your behalf. Toshi can feel the fussing beginning as he returns with just a water, and it occurs to him that he failed to prepare Molly in any way for this, or prime him for the information.

He kind of assumes everyone in Sternbild already knows. He probably shouldn't: that's absolutely a fallacy, but nevertheless it was what he did.

He blushes, just a little. "Th-that's very kind of you, and I appreciate it, really." How does he even do this? He hadn't had The Talk in so long. "I ah- I don't actually eat..."

He then realizes how bad that sounds, just moments after he says it, and tries to backpedal. "I-I mean I don't need to eat! I..." he trails off into a quiet curse and rubs at his face. "I'm not human." There we go.

Date: 2019-01-02 07:19 pm (UTC)
darkerstripes: (processing)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
It is thoroughly confirmed for Toshi that Molly missed all of the fun drama of the last year that he was involved in, as the big man stares slackjawed. It's an amazing relief, actually, that he's getting to start with a clean slate with someone. No previous expectations or impressions based on.... that.

So bless you for your ignorance, Mollymauk. Toshi actually starts to smile, feeling a little more confident because of his new friends' shock. He's actually quite willing to be forthcoming, and smiles wryly.

"If you insist. I suppose I have some advantages..." He does lift up his forearm, carefully searching around his wrist for the contact point and... lifting his skin away to reveal a small panel, showing wires and electrical parts. There's no doubt about the lack of biology going on here.

"I am a very advanced android containing an independent and evolving AI."

Date: 2019-01-03 05:04 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (emotion)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Molly can be proud all he likes for managing to put the nervous android at ease. Toshi sure appreciates it, and feels even more fond of the man then he did five minutes ago.

Looks like they were both nursing nightmares about how much this could go wrong. But with Molly so enthusiastic and earnest, Toshi can't help but feel a little optimistic. If also a little embarrassed. He's not used to... awe. Someone being genuinely impressed by him with no hint of anything else there to taint the positive emotions. It makes color form in Toshi's face and his chest heats up.

Toshi feels something like shyness as he folds the skin back into place, looking down at his arm as he sees Molly grin through his periphery. He's busy trying to find a response to being called amazing when Molly leans in and surprises Toshi again.

He stammers wordlessly for a second. "U-uh, um, w-well. I can..." swallows. "I can hear your heartbeat from here, a little elevated with uh... excitement. I know your internal temperature. Perfectly normal and healthy. And... your bio-electrical levels."

He fidgets, staring down at the table. "I try not to, though, so I don't invade someone's privacy."

Date: 2019-01-04 05:19 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (sensation)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Toshi has never witnessed someone so happy to not know something. He chuckles very lightly, feeling a silliness swell up inside him, going along for the ride with Molly's reactive nature maybe. "It's um, the level of electrical current in your skin..." he mumbles, but he's smiling. It's a somewhat effective measure of arousal, but Toshi doesn't feel it necessary to add that. Molly can learn that later if he googles it or something.

He giggles all over again, feeling twice as warm but just as pleased. Someone really is this excited... to see him? Not just someone, but this guy right here, who thinks Toshi is cool and makes him laugh. A little voice in Toshi's hard-drive reminds him that of course Molly is happy to see him, Molly suggested the meet-up, but Toshi chooses to ride the high of joy anyway.

"Well I uh... I worked on Hero TV for awhile," which is the other reason why he's sure everyone knows who he is. "But now I do freelance computer building and software development." He can hide in a dark room with electronics for days at a time, it's great.

Date: 2019-01-20 05:10 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (fluster)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
There's something almost painfully charming about the way Molly leans his chin on his hand, and it makes that fondness in Toshi's chest flutter up again. He's still smiling as he nods. "Yes, that would make sense." If they don't watch Hero TV, they would never have known him as his hero persona, or seen the final episode where his identity was revealed.

"It's very popular." Toshi admits, thinking of Barnaby, and how he would get swarmed with fans sometimes. It makes his smile widen just a little. He shakes off the memory to stay with Molly, but it leaves more good feelings in its wake.

He blushes, just a little. "I wouldn't mind that."

Date: 2019-01-20 06:00 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (braced)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
For just one single moment, Toshi feels anxiety rise up and turn his wires to ice. The anticipation just before the reveal of anything is uncomfortable for him, but thankfully Molly doesn't draw it out. He drops the conclusion right into the open.

"Oh." Comes out before Toshi can filter it, and for several moments he stares at Molly, processing. Very astute.

Slowly the thoughts start really forming again. Unfortunately they start with the thought that Molly is actually and sincerely suggesting sex therapy with him, which includes sex, and that means Toshi's poor thirsty brain gets stuck on that. He blushes harder and tries to move on, swallowing a little water as a buffer for himself.

A horrible, calculated and cynical part of Toshi's harddrive that sounds a lot like Adam when it speaks, suggests that maybe all along this was just Molly's phishing attempt for a new client to make money, but Toshi curbstomps it. Traumatized clients aren't exactly reliable sources of income, and Toshi wants to believe the best of Molly. He likes him, felt safe with him.

He chooses to believe this is an honest attempt at helping, and at a human connection. However, that conclusion doesn't give him words to say and leaves him staring and blushing just a little longer. Toshi fidgets and looks down at the table.

"So when... when you told me you had known people to recover from... bad associations with sex..." His voice gets even quieter, saying the word out loud in a public cafe, "you meant you had actually... helped them do that?" It's a statement and a question at the same time.

Date: 2019-01-21 12:13 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (fluster)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Toshi would be more than willing to pay. Molly is offering a very skilled and important service for him, and he would pay for any other kind of therapy, if he thought any human psychiatrist would be able to help him, which he doesn't. Then again, with other kinds of therapy, it would maybe be strange to consider the therapist his friend, but in this case he almost would need to, in order to trust them enough. As Molly said, they don't need to even have sex, or come close to it, but the kind of intimacy that even goes adjacent...

He feels a little bit of guilt that Molly drops his volume to match Toshi's, like he's imposing his unnecessary shame onto someone who's past that. "That's..." He feels something shivery and light rise in his body- hope? It might be hope, and maybe a bit of something else. "That's r-really incredible, Molly."

He fidgets in his seat, glancing up at Molly, back down to his hands, messing with the hem of his shirt. He feels his face growing pink and his chest getting very warm. "I... I th-think I would l-like... you."

Date: 2019-01-21 01:09 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (recharging)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Molly has such a wonderful presence. He's able to make Toshi feel like he's being listened to without feeling scrutinized. It makes it easier to open up, and Toshi imagines it will have even more of an impact when they aren't in public.

Toshi glances back up just in time to see Molly's face light up, and Toshi feels his chassis wobble in response. Then Molly reaches for him and Toshi could feel his soul leaving his body. He realizes he's grinning like an idiot. "I'm sure you will be." He mumbles back, still blushing.

Toshi is still a bit floaty and dizzy when Molly moves away to fish around in his bag. Toshi realizes he has it quite bad, in that moment, his poor gay robot heart. He's very embarrassed by that, as silly as that is in context. He blinks a few times to force his eye cameras to focus on the reality in front of him.

"R-Right. Yeah." This is actually going to happen. Toshi is going to do this. Molly is going to do this with him. Wow. Toshi carefully folds the paper and tucks it into the breast pocket of his vest.

"Arigatou." He says, then realizes that in his nervousness, he accessed the wrong language. "Th-thank you." He corrects himself.

Date: 2019-01-21 01:53 am (UTC)
darkerstripes: (sensation)
From: [personal profile] darkerstripes
Toshi really has no idea why Molly would feel the need to thank him, but he believes questioning it would be rude, so he just blushes darkly pink and glances away for a moment to regain composure. He has a feeling that he's going to be losing composure a lot in the very near future.

He's grateful for more normal conversation, and is happily pretty comfortable now. After dealing with what for him was much more awkward, this small talk is a walk in the park, and he's content to share little things about his life with Molly. His new friend... and therapist.

He nods, understanding. They've been here for a long time, and who can begrudge the summons of a spouse? Toshi returns his cup as well, with a warm thanks to the barista. He seems a little awkward about how to say goodbye, shuffling his feet a little. Eventually the reason he seems hesitant becomes clear, because he decides to be brave, and dives in to hug Molly, tight but brief, before he takes his leave.

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